My dad and technology, a beautiful love story

My dad is 68 years old. He is an ex general and a lawyer. So growing up with him (and under his rule) wasn’t always easy.

He never did trust technology. Technology was that thing that used to be in a box, emitting black and white animated images, became a flat screen and the images turned colorful.

Until very very recently, like Christmas 2013, my dad had the Motorola mobile phone. yes, the motorola mobile phone.  Until my bro got him the new Samsung 4. Remind you, he is retired, 68 and my mom’s life long only partner. I am sure you all have a sample at home. My mom got herself the biggest gift she could ever get, an occupation, when she turned 55. No news, my dad retired and came back home. It was either that catering company idea or life in prison. I am almost sure they would have killed each other.

and so TECHNOLOGY AVAILS to my father. He is asking a million question per day. He is asking the same question a million time over and over again. I don’t get it. is our generation born technologically adapted? why is it so easy to handle it, understand it, operate it? why is it so hard for him to simply flip through the Samsung pages? he presses so hard EVERY F… TIME that the page goes into the edit mode. Dad, just slide it, one finger, gently, smoothly. and it just doesn’t happen. It doesn’t happen. 

We take technology so much for granted now that we expect every being to handle it as fast as we do. Every time we sit together he has a list with all these questions that never seem to end. It is never a wrap for any subject. It is crazy. and then you see every sibling of mine starting by being gentle and balanced and trying to teach him stuff, and ending up screaming and shouting and cursing the fucking second my dad got an android phone. The guy used to teach math as a part time recruit in the military school. So the brain is definitely there and very operational. We added Dad to the family group chat on whatsapp. Oh my freaking lord. he hammers us with a thousand message in a day. It feels like teenage years again. We have to say Good morning and Good night every day, he checks on our kids 3 times a day, he keeps us well informed and tells us of any breaking news. He is having a blast there and i love it. The best moment of the day is his morning message: “BONJOUR SHABEIB”. 

I love you pap and I love how technologically impaired you are. I am sure you will get the hang of it. You got the hang of every aspect of our lives…

 

What men want!!!

As a woman I definitely understand men’s dilemma about not knowing what we want, cause we honestly don’t know what we want so men might as well stop trying to know what women want. BUT, for a single woman, i have been trying to find out what men really want out of a relationship, their partner, work, life… I hope this post will be interactive so both genders will benefit.

To all the men out there, especially on wordpress, and especially my bloggers friends, please do tell us, poor single women what you want. Use the list below for reference if you want:

  • Should i wear make-up?
  • Should i be skinny?
  • Should i open my mouth and try to have a conversation?
  • is it ok to talk politics? religion? finance?
  • Should i be the strong woman that I am or play drama queen?
  • Should i offer to pay half the bill?
  • Should i wear high heels? I am tall already.
  • Should i be skinny or average is okay?
  • Should i wear all my clothes even to a casual outing?
  • Should i offer to meet you there or make you pick me up?
  • Should i play financially dependent on a male figure in my family? Even if I am not.
  • Should i pay half of my trip if we travel together even if you can afford it?
  • Should i keep my mouth shut even when you are wrong?
  • Should i nag?
  • Should i make the conversation sound like I am learning from you even if my knowledge i that area can teach a school?
  • Would my expensive car intimidate you? 
  • Should i be super woman? or Cinderella?
  • IS it okay if I like Rock music?
  • Eminem?
  • Is it okay if i am a single mom of two? I just want a date and some casual sex. Not a new husband (no thank you)

Men say men are easy to handle, simple beings, what we see is what we get, bla bla bla. That doesn’t seem to work anymore. Your help is highly appreciated cause it might help me get a date (laid) before i turn old and ugly. Dear ladies, your opinion is appreciated as well (#lebanonobserver). I am 38 and i can’t seem to figure this thing out. If i act strong they flee, if i act weak i’m a drama queen, if i eat a salad i’m boring, if i eat a burger i’m an insatiable cow, if i keep quiet i am opinionless, if i say my mind i am opinionated… So Botox is bad, yet wrinkles are a “forever alone” neon sign, Boob job is plastic yet natural boobs are disgusting and a sight to avoid………………………………………. 

New Year resolutions: eat less, drink less, travel more, have a boyfriend, laugh more and put some goddamn money aside… Should i even try to understand men in 2014? is it possible? achievable? I am willing if you think I should. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, ALL THE WAY FROM LEBANON, A TINY COUNTRY IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

 

Here we go again Beirut – Part III

7 days since the last blast rocked Beirut. Beirut you rock. All is dazzled and all is mad. I love how fast our mindless twisted schizophrenic politicians find words to say on TV and social media…

And today business as usual.
I don’t have any feelings anymore. I am numb and blank.

This is a call to Lebanon’s youth: HELP US. You are the only chunk of lebanese who actually can. Our generation is drained and disappointed. We do not believe in Lebanon anymore. We want to leave and have peace. We want to leave and find work. We want to leave and be alive. You still believe. You still frustrate. You still anger. take it to the streets. We did it in 2005. Save us cause no one else can. We fought for Syria to get out, you fight for unity. And for godssake do NOT vote.
This is a call to Lebanon’s leaders: You fucking suck. All of you. I wish the next suicider will save us from each and everyone of you. You have innocent blood on your hands while your blood still flows in your rotten veins. Each and everyone of you is responsible for our fear, frustration and anger.
This is a call to the bombers and suiciders: I beg of thee aim well. I beg of thee aim right. I beg of thee take out your target and only your target. Your cause; no matter how strong and god driven it is; has no success story. You are killing innocent people. If you are doing it in the name of God you fucking moron, God will not forgive you and i hope your skin burns inch by inch while you still live in hell you soulless bastard.
I hope you found that job my Lobnene friend… I sure as hell am looking…

Here we go again Beirut – part II

A month and 8 days since the last blast in Beirut. So basically the innocent people who died in November are still roaming the earth (since the soul needs 40 days to ascend to its creator (GOD)). I guess they will help the innocent people who died today find the right way up (or down). SO why is it that everytime innocent people pay the price. the news are saying that only 2 bodies out of 6 have been identified, so i thought to myself, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother and maybe children out there, do not know that someone they unconditionally love died today. Why? 

I work very close to where the blast occurred. I drive on that road every morning to reach my office and every evening to go back to my kids. if that blast would have been an hour earlier i could’ve been one of these 6 people who died today. and my mom, my father, my sister, my two brothers and my children would have been the ones roaming the hospitals looking to find my corpse and identify a jane-do. Why?

Where does it end and how can we stop it? I want security for my kids. I want to go to work without the journey being a road down to hell (since i am almost sure i won’t make it to heaven). I want to go out with my friends and drink and dance and play idiots. I want to travel on romantic escapades and show my kids the world without being afraid the whole time.

So this is a cry for help addressed to:

1- ANY employer in need of ANY employee in ANY part of the world except here

2- ANY man in need of a woman to marry, i can cook, clean, do laundry, bear children (already have two, can only produce two more), work (went to a reputable american university), four-lingual, friendly, funny, a bit fat, a bit crazy, a lot frustrated. interested candidates must be holders of: American passport (1st choice), Canadian passport (2nd choice), European passport (3rd), Arab passport, Jungle passport, f…… Timbuktu passport is accepted.

I am sorry Beirut, i can’t take your shit anymore. You are whoring around with your dumb rulers and you have left your children to perish in your arms…

 

A dim light in pitch black darkness

With everything happening in the world today,  especially in our beloved country of the cedar and the Phoenicians, u get the chance once in a while to go out and have a blast on a Saturday night.  Yesterday was one of these crazy nights.  It happened to be my young brother’s bday, the right crowd was there (my kind of crowd at least), the perfect music was playing (some 80s & 90s and some rock), the snacks, the drinks…. it was one of these nights that makes me think twice of accepting that overseas job i applied to to escape the bitter reality of the country I live in. 
Then morning come, you turn on the TV and hear some crazy people playing nostradamus and telling us how fucked up our 2014 is going to be. Get ready people, the UNCHR has reported a number of 4.000.000 refugees in 2014. Every lebanese will have the social and financial burden of a syrian refugee.
I guess the plan has changed once again, the plan for a new house has to wait, again.
I hate the imbalance I’m feeling. The “should I go or should I stay” song repeating its play for the past 10 years now. I need a new song in my life…

The indisputable power of Google

GOOGLE literally rocks. What a shining light in the world of ignorance. Thank you Google for all the lessons you taught me, the ignorant situations you saved me from. I am never sure until I consult you. I know about it all now (at least a notion). I know enough to open an interesting conversation and feel and sound intelligent. Science, tech, humanities, religion, history, geography, politics… No subject is Duhhhh anymore. 

To all the ignorant people out there, if you can read you can google. Please stop making lame excuses, it’s http://www.google.com, look it up and for godssake jsut GOOGLE IT. 

 The age of stupidity is over. The concept of more cultivated is dead, over, obsolete. We can all be cultivated. Educate yourselves people. And it’s for free. They call it the age of information for something and I am sure as hell gonna dig for as much information for as long as i can and for as hard as my brain can take…

Thank you Google. You Rock!!!!!!! Image

Spilling out some anger

Let’s spill out some anger on wordpress, it’s always cheaper than therapy and less damaging than any medication.

So, how would a 38 single mother of two with no time for a manicure get the hours and the energy for a boyfriend? Lebanese men are quite demanding. Leb women have to be well dressed and well groomed to meet her bf regardless of the fucked day she has had. I salute you ladies. Where do you find the time? I leave home at 7am to get to my office at 8.15 (i live quite far), to work until 4 and get home by 5.30pm. I get home to 2 kids asking for some momie love, attention and homework help. Then super momie jumps into the kitchen for some momie food for next day’s lunch. Momie prepares dinner and sends to shower, momie tucks in bed and ends up in a comatic state on the couch drooling all over the hand rest and waking up around midnight to discover she fell asleep, once again, in her clothes, on the sofa with the TV on, during a romantic love story movie… Momie failed to mention that she lives in a fucked up country, on a brisk of a civil war (or some cult named Da3esh would slaughter us all and eat our hearts out), in a country with no electricity, no water, no securities, no hope, no happiness…. Well let’s just say that momie is not living. that sums up all momie’s fucked up mood. and let’s wrap it up by saying that momie feels very lonely yet not up to the high demands of a boyfriend. That’s how badly momie is messed up. Signed: Momie.