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I wish I can

I often take myself on a journey, an imaginative one, very very far from our reality. Maybe because i travel a lot I could have a detailed idea of this much desired reality. Let’s see. Close your eyes and imagine with me.

6.00 am: the alarm rings and you energetically jump out of bed, get into the bathtub, open the water and water actually runs down

6.30 am: wake the kids up, prepare snacks for school, run down to meet the bus and the bus is actually on time

7.00 am: head to beirut, to work. I do live in Kaslik and commute to Beirut every day. So imagine getting to the office by 8am.

8.45am to 4.00pm: office work. I love my job but it’s like everything we try to do in this country seems to take time and lots and lots of money. So imagine getting some things actually done.

4.00pm i am exhausted and hungry so i jump into my car and head home. Imagine getting home within a 15 to 20 minutes drive.

8.00pm i have cooked for tomorrow, got my kids ready for school, supervised their studies, prepared dinner, got them to take their showers, put them to bed and now it’s time to watch the news. and OHHHHHH MYYYY LORDDDDD what a Hugeeeeee mistake to watch the fucking news. ISIS is around the corner, Ebola is flying in soon, the refugees, the viruses, the anger, the frustration, the kidnapping, the poverty, the family clashes, the crime rate, the inflation…

9.00pm off to bed, exhausted, scared, broke and very mad and imagine actually sleeping.

I do not know where we are getting to but i sure as hell hate the ride…

Oh God where art thou?

I had a discussion yesterday night with a good friend who had been fighting her own self from all the anger, disappointments and loneliness in her life. I found her very calm, quiet and serene. She told me she found Jesus again.

I don’t know how to do that.

I lost him somewhere along the way. Along the very harsh, rude, devastating life’s path. I was never a very strong believer but I did believe in God. I lost him too. I don’t believe in any higher being preaching for love and peace. But I should. It’s very cold in me. I fight to stay the good person that I am. i fight to keep that girl in me a passionate, tender, caring, loving and peaceful girl.

Where did I lose you? When exactly? I miss having you around to blame and to thank. To adore beyond any understanding. I miss believing you exist unconditionally. How do I go back? I have read so many books that said you did not exist. I have witnessed so much evil proving you don’t. Where are you now? The world needs you. We need an army of angels to fight the evil that is roaming our world. Hunger, famine, wars, richness of the riches, poorness of the poors, greed, crime, addiction, lust, pedophily, slavery… and the list goes on. People stopped believing. My friend told me that the virgin mary said the world needs an army, an army of believers and an army of prayers to fight today’s evil. I want to believe that. I want this epic movie to start and Joan of Arc to lead an army and fight back the evil occupation. Where do I enlist? There’s an army occupying countries’ riches, another one acquiring a land that is not his, a third one using chemical weapons to wipe out his own people, a plane vanishing off the face of the earth, more than 500 people sentenced to death in one trial, Bombings, killings, rapings…

Please God send your angels to enlist the very few good men left that live by your wisdom, to train them and lead them into combat. Evil is winning and it’s winning ground fast. there is no room for good anymore. there are no more good intentions left in people. If you do exist you need to come now. You sent your son and your prophets back in the days. I think you need to send the whole battalion now. send them on horses or unicorns, on chariots of wheels or of fire, send them with wings or or send your archeries. just send them now. They did it back in the days of the elves and the dwarfs. They defended Middle Earth and saved it from sauron. We can do it as well. I am sure we can.  All we need are the avengers, Gandalf, the elves, the autobots, definitely the spartans, the spy kids, wonderwoman, superman, spiderman, batman, all Marvel’s men, all the students and teachers of hogwarts and whatever is left of the humans who are still humans…

Please God come back and lead this battle. We are losing and we are losing big time.

What men want!!!

As a woman I definitely understand men’s dilemma about not knowing what we want, cause we honestly don’t know what we want so men might as well stop trying to know what women want. BUT, for a single woman, i have been trying to find out what men really want out of a relationship, their partner, work, life… I hope this post will be interactive so both genders will benefit.

To all the men out there, especially on wordpress, and especially my bloggers friends, please do tell us, poor single women what you want. Use the list below for reference if you want:

  • Should i wear make-up?
  • Should i be skinny?
  • Should i open my mouth and try to have a conversation?
  • is it ok to talk politics? religion? finance?
  • Should i be the strong woman that I am or play drama queen?
  • Should i offer to pay half the bill?
  • Should i wear high heels? I am tall already.
  • Should i be skinny or average is okay?
  • Should i wear all my clothes even to a casual outing?
  • Should i offer to meet you there or make you pick me up?
  • Should i play financially dependent on a male figure in my family? Even if I am not.
  • Should i pay half of my trip if we travel together even if you can afford it?
  • Should i keep my mouth shut even when you are wrong?
  • Should i nag?
  • Should i make the conversation sound like I am learning from you even if my knowledge i that area can teach a school?
  • Would my expensive car intimidate you? 
  • Should i be super woman? or Cinderella?
  • IS it okay if I like Rock music?
  • Eminem?
  • Is it okay if i am a single mom of two? I just want a date and some casual sex. Not a new husband (no thank you)

Men say men are easy to handle, simple beings, what we see is what we get, bla bla bla. That doesn’t seem to work anymore. Your help is highly appreciated cause it might help me get a date (laid) before i turn old and ugly. Dear ladies, your opinion is appreciated as well (#lebanonobserver). I am 38 and i can’t seem to figure this thing out. If i act strong they flee, if i act weak i’m a drama queen, if i eat a salad i’m boring, if i eat a burger i’m an insatiable cow, if i keep quiet i am opinionless, if i say my mind i am opinionated… So Botox is bad, yet wrinkles are a “forever alone” neon sign, Boob job is plastic yet natural boobs are disgusting and a sight to avoid………………………………………. 

New Year resolutions: eat less, drink less, travel more, have a boyfriend, laugh more and put some goddamn money aside… Should i even try to understand men in 2014? is it possible? achievable? I am willing if you think I should. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, ALL THE WAY FROM LEBANON, A TINY COUNTRY IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

 

Here we go again Beirut – Part III

7 days since the last blast rocked Beirut. Beirut you rock. All is dazzled and all is mad. I love how fast our mindless twisted schizophrenic politicians find words to say on TV and social media…

And today business as usual.
I don’t have any feelings anymore. I am numb and blank.

This is a call to Lebanon’s youth: HELP US. You are the only chunk of lebanese who actually can. Our generation is drained and disappointed. We do not believe in Lebanon anymore. We want to leave and have peace. We want to leave and find work. We want to leave and be alive. You still believe. You still frustrate. You still anger. take it to the streets. We did it in 2005. Save us cause no one else can. We fought for Syria to get out, you fight for unity. And for godssake do NOT vote.
This is a call to Lebanon’s leaders: You fucking suck. All of you. I wish the next suicider will save us from each and everyone of you. You have innocent blood on your hands while your blood still flows in your rotten veins. Each and everyone of you is responsible for our fear, frustration and anger.
This is a call to the bombers and suiciders: I beg of thee aim well. I beg of thee aim right. I beg of thee take out your target and only your target. Your cause; no matter how strong and god driven it is; has no success story. You are killing innocent people. If you are doing it in the name of God you fucking moron, God will not forgive you and i hope your skin burns inch by inch while you still live in hell you soulless bastard.
I hope you found that job my Lobnene friend… I sure as hell am looking…

Here we go again Beirut – part II

A month and 8 days since the last blast in Beirut. So basically the innocent people who died in November are still roaming the earth (since the soul needs 40 days to ascend to its creator (GOD)). I guess they will help the innocent people who died today find the right way up (or down). SO why is it that everytime innocent people pay the price. the news are saying that only 2 bodies out of 6 have been identified, so i thought to myself, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother and maybe children out there, do not know that someone they unconditionally love died today. Why? 

I work very close to where the blast occurred. I drive on that road every morning to reach my office and every evening to go back to my kids. if that blast would have been an hour earlier i could’ve been one of these 6 people who died today. and my mom, my father, my sister, my two brothers and my children would have been the ones roaming the hospitals looking to find my corpse and identify a jane-do. Why?

Where does it end and how can we stop it? I want security for my kids. I want to go to work without the journey being a road down to hell (since i am almost sure i won’t make it to heaven). I want to go out with my friends and drink and dance and play idiots. I want to travel on romantic escapades and show my kids the world without being afraid the whole time.

So this is a cry for help addressed to:

1- ANY employer in need of ANY employee in ANY part of the world except here

2- ANY man in need of a woman to marry, i can cook, clean, do laundry, bear children (already have two, can only produce two more), work (went to a reputable american university), four-lingual, friendly, funny, a bit fat, a bit crazy, a lot frustrated. interested candidates must be holders of: American passport (1st choice), Canadian passport (2nd choice), European passport (3rd), Arab passport, Jungle passport, f…… Timbuktu passport is accepted.

I am sorry Beirut, i can’t take your shit anymore. You are whoring around with your dumb rulers and you have left your children to perish in your arms…

 

A dim light in pitch black darkness

With everything happening in the world today,  especially in our beloved country of the cedar and the Phoenicians, u get the chance once in a while to go out and have a blast on a Saturday night.  Yesterday was one of these crazy nights.  It happened to be my young brother’s bday, the right crowd was there (my kind of crowd at least), the perfect music was playing (some 80s & 90s and some rock), the snacks, the drinks…. it was one of these nights that makes me think twice of accepting that overseas job i applied to to escape the bitter reality of the country I live in. 
Then morning come, you turn on the TV and hear some crazy people playing nostradamus and telling us how fucked up our 2014 is going to be. Get ready people, the UNCHR has reported a number of 4.000.000 refugees in 2014. Every lebanese will have the social and financial burden of a syrian refugee.
I guess the plan has changed once again, the plan for a new house has to wait, again.
I hate the imbalance I’m feeling. The “should I go or should I stay” song repeating its play for the past 10 years now. I need a new song in my life…

The indisputable power of Google

GOOGLE literally rocks. What a shining light in the world of ignorance. Thank you Google for all the lessons you taught me, the ignorant situations you saved me from. I am never sure until I consult you. I know about it all now (at least a notion). I know enough to open an interesting conversation and feel and sound intelligent. Science, tech, humanities, religion, history, geography, politics… No subject is Duhhhh anymore. 

To all the ignorant people out there, if you can read you can google. Please stop making lame excuses, it’s http://www.google.com, look it up and for godssake jsut GOOGLE IT. 

 The age of stupidity is over. The concept of more cultivated is dead, over, obsolete. We can all be cultivated. Educate yourselves people. And it’s for free. They call it the age of information for something and I am sure as hell gonna dig for as much information for as long as i can and for as hard as my brain can take…

Thank you Google. You Rock!!!!!!! Image